You can't make this up - people are, um, funny...

So I am frying one morning, I’m not alone but the baker with me is working in the deep freezer – my least favorite job so I’m happy I’m working the smokey fryer instead. We have just got the trays of donuts out, looking fine I might add. However, I had a particularly messy morning and I have splattered grease down my fryer and all over the floor in about a 3 foot radius around me. I will continue to fry all day, and have found that as you stand in your non stick sensible white safety shoes…on a non stick greasy floor...you sliiiiiiiiidddddddddeee nicely like a marble on a car hood. This is not helpful when you fry.  Especially if you are me - I don't need anymore deducts.

So, I grab a bucket of soapy water and some rags. I kneel down on the greasy floor and get to work scrubbing away, splashing dirty water all over my not very white whites anymore. It’s messy and very hot work as the fryer is radiating heat inches from my head. Soon, a gentleman walks right into my fry station with a small donut bag in his hand. I have never seen a customer walk right into the fryer room. I stare at him in surprise.

“Excuse me” he says.

“Hi, can I help you?” I say as I wonder if he's going to walk right into my greasy water puddle, because he seems pretty irritated now and I suspect that will just make it worse.

“Yah, you can help me, I want to know why you don’t offer healthy alternatives in the donut case?” and he leaves his eyebrows all pulled up goofy on his face I assume to make it clear he is waiting for an answer.

I sit back on my heels and brush the wisps of hair out my face as I ponder the oxymoron of “healthy alternatives in the donut case”.

"Um, well, there are some better choices…we do offer some bread and muffins in the case - not just donuts”.

“I know that!" he snaps as he thrusts his non see thru so I have no idea what's in it bag right at me.  "I have to eat a dinner roll now for breakfast because you (he jabs the air with his bag) don’t stock something healthy. Don’t you people realize there is an epidemic of obesity in this country? And it starts with you – the local grocer – and what kinds of choices you give consumers. And if you don’t start rethinking your inventory – you will start losing customers. You need to have your finger on the pulse of society and society wants healthy. So what changes will you make now?”

I wait for him to finish as my wet rag seeps into my jeans. I tilt my head in amazement, smile and reply, “Sir, it’s 7:10AM on a Monday morning and I’m on my hands and knees scrubbing the underside of a 50 gallon vat of deep fryer grease. No disrespect intended, but what part of this scene here is saying to you that I might be upper management?”

Silence.

The man just stares at me. Then he thrusts his bag towards me and grumbles, “Oh just ring up my rolls”.

“Okay,” I smile again, “Let’s review. To GET into my little windowless fryer hovel, you had to go through that doorway that said, “Employees Only – No Entry”. There are no cash registers here sir. I am not allowed to ring people up. I’m not allowed to handle money. In fact I’m not even allowed to decide which donuts get sprinkles. You will need to head up front and check out with a cashier, and then head to the Customer Serve Desk and ask to speak to the Manager about what we stock in the donut case."

“Oh I’ll be speaking to the Manager! I’ll be talking to him alright! I will be telling him what is going on BACK…HERE….!!!”

I chirp “Have a nice day” as the man spins on his heel and marches away but really I’m laughing inside wondering what the heck he thinks the Manager is going to do to me? Demote me? Dude – I’m the JUNIOR Donut Fryer – there’s nowhere but up from here.

Seriously, truth is stranger than fiction and people are funny.