First day of training - Martha Stewart meets her match....

My first two days training I shadow the only other fryer…I will call her Sr Super Hard Working Fryer. She is a workhorse, so I like her immediately. She shows me my future work station….



In front of me is a vat of deep fryer grease sitting over a large piece of greasy cardboard. It’s very hot and very greasy here. I touch the side of the fryer. It’s really super hot. And super greasy. I wipe my hand on my styling bakery apron that is tied over my styling bakery coat that matches my styling bakery hat.



I wonder why my entire outfit head to toe is white when grease is so brown????  This can't be good I suspect.



To my left is the prep area along with the deep freezers and the mixers – one of which I could bathe my kids in – it’s that HUGE and powerful.  Fortunately I'm highly mechanical so I anticipate no problems at all in running this equipment (insert little yellow sarcasm emoticon face here... :)

To my right – my “decorating station” -- and I use that term loosely. It’s full of things that I have no business touching like - well all decorating items. Those that know me well know that I am not artsy, crafty or artistically talented in any way. Not one tiny whit. In fact I am potentially the MOST anti crafty, sub-crafty, altogether NOT crafty person you might ever meet.  Ever.



I hope I do not have to decorate for a long time.



Seriously not ten minutes later I’m standing in front of 10 brownie cakes and told to “frost and decorate”.



“Um, well, um, okay but I am um, not really that good with um, frosting and stuff you know”.



“Oh you’ll do fine – just do them all a little different and make them fancy. It’s easy!” the Super Sweet Baker assures me.



She returns to her decorating which rivals the Sistine Chapel in it's detail and depth.



So I start. My first one is fine – white frosting, cookie crumble top.



Looks good!



I try another one – chocolate frosting – Hershey’s mini kisses sprinkled on the top.



Looks good again!



I’m SO on a roll!




I'm feeling really pumped up now.


I can DO THIS!!!



I see myself as the next CAKE BOSS – I fancy a reality show is in my future!

Now I get cocky and I decide to do what she says and GET FANCY. I frost it white, then I take out the decorating tube and attempt to make chocolate flowers all over the top.  It's just a twist and squirt from the bag.....



Yah.



No.



What’s actually coming out are running blobs of chocolate mixed with air bubbles that cause the chocolate to spurt across the white frosting. Ewwww – messy and gross.



I scrap it all off.



I start over.



The Super Sweet Baker is watching me and sweetly suggests I hold the bag differently – she demonstrates and makes a row of perfect flowers across a piece of parchment paper.



I say, “Oh I see now – yes of course – my grip was just off!” I declare with too much forced enthusiasm.



I have absolutely no clue whatsoever what I am doing. 



So I try again and have shockingly the EXACT same result of what looks like runny cat poo on a white carpet. 



Dang.



Stupid frosting.





Stupid brownie cakes.




Stupid job.



Now I realize I have shot frosting up my sleeve since I apparently didn’t tie off the stupid air filled bag.



I wonder again why I am in white.


Panic sets in. I have to do twelve of these in 30 minutes – each must be different and each must apparently entice the customer to BUY IT!



What PRESSURE!!!



I try to look pleased with my results. I grab a giant handful of Hershey’s kisses and drop them all over the cake. It doesn’t cover up the cat poo smear. I grab a handfull of crushed cookie crumbs and drop it all over the kisses. I can still see the smeared chocolate. Dang!  So I start frantically grabbing all the toppings…. coconut, confetti sprinkles, little plastic figurines of ski jumping men, and yet more sprinkles – SNAP they are Christmas colors so I go back to more crumbled cookies to cover the stupid holiday sprinkles. I cover that cake in toppings so thick when I pick it up the tin foil pan bends ominously to one side. I rush to catch the slimy frosting puddle before it slides off onto my shoe. Nice….



I smile at the Super Sweet Baker. She looks horrified. Completely and totally horrified.



I chirp enthusiastically, “I have totally seen this design done on ACE OF CAKES!!! I can’t believe I was able to copy it so well!



She swallows hard and says, “Oh wow, well, um, maybe, gosh…"  I see her eyes look over my  head and search for the Bakery Manager....  this can't be good.



I quickly frost the next 10 cakes with plain white frosting then line them up like little identical soldiers on the table under the sign, “Fancy Decorator Brownie Cakes”. After all, one man’s fancy is another man’s plain white frosting.



I checked today – most of my cakes are SOLD. Except THE cake. I can’t figure out why no one has chosen it. It’s the misfit cake, waiting to be adopted by a family with poor lighting in their house.



I think it will be in the sample bin soon.



My next day at work – my manager tells me not to worry about the brownie cakes. They know I’m busy with the fryer. So please don’t worry about frosting them. And please don’t actually touch them. In any way. Ever again.  :)

I suggest I go organize the deep freezer.

My Manager thinks this is a GREAT idea...  :)